Community

Although I hold on to my out-of-the-city “East County” roots with my love for country music and conservative values, and prefer more than anything the “beach” culture by the coast, I actually lived in a very inner- city “ghetto” part of San Diego for a significant part of my childhood. Bars on the windows of every house, fierce dogs barking in the yards, metal screen doors that you couldn’t see into, but knew that someone was always looking out of. Bikes got stolen out of our backyard and profanity chalked onto our front driveway. A welcoming family of neighborhood kids came to our front door to see these strange new neighbors—they brought a laundry basket and asked if they could mow our lawn with it. My mom was perplexed, but at that moment, but I hid my laugh, and I knew I loved them.

I snuck over to their house every chance I got. The culture of their ethnicity was itself very community-based, and I was welcomed and fed by their mom every chance she got. Saying that I wasn’t hungry was NOT an option!  J There were four siblings around my age, but they also had about 25 aunts, uncles, and cousins over at their house all the time. We were all around ten and eleven years old, but their cousins were older and in gangs. Even though they taught us some “signs” and profanity, and encouraged us to do a little bit of vandalism, I think they treasured our innocence and I mostly felt protected and loved by this group. Our street was dangerous, and I was threatened at times, but we were all together, and the older cousins sincerely ensured me that they “had my back.” At that time, I wanted to be in a gang when I grew older. I was sure of it. But we moved when I was 12.

We moved from the exciting and dangerous, from adventure in our canyons and fields and picking plants and fruit off random trees, from hills of vines and strange water tunnels, to the boring and quiet, flat and sidewalked and uniform middle-class neighborhood of the “safer” side of San Diego. Their lawns were perfect, but they all looked the same. The people were well-dressed, but they were at work all day long, picking their children up late in the evening to come home to do homework. I desperately missed my friends. I missed my community.

At that time, my family got involved with what we now look back and laugh at and label a “cult.” They were Christian, but believed themselves too “different” to be a part of a church. They were a “parachurch”.  They were ultra-conservative on every level imaginable, and whoever didn’t meet their standards of “holiness” could not be a part of their “clan”. My great desire to be in community drove me to perform on all levels to enter the “inner circle”.  And I did. I was the legend . . . mothers asked daughters if they would grow up to be like Emily. But I did it just to be in the inner- circle. My heart wanted community.

After a few years, things fell apart, as perhaps they do in out-of-church “holier than thou” clubs. Bitterness, competition and lack of love and grace dissipated the group. We started to attend churches again.

One of the first churches we went to was AMAZING. Every Sunday after service, they had what they called “agape feasts”—translated “love feasts”! They believed in community so much! They loved each other, and wanted to do life together. I was only 13, but I knew I wanted to be a part of this denomination, this group of believers! I remember a man in the church confidently telling my father at one of our first meals, “You’ll see, just as I did, that our denomination is the most biblical, makes the most sense, is the most true. Just wait and see, you’ll believe in our theology.” He laughed a good-natured, but knowing, laugh. He appealed to my dad’s need to be “in,” and it appealed to mine too. It WAS a great church and I will never forget the people there. But it too fell apart. Perhaps because of reasons similar to the “parachurch.”

As a young adult, I attended many churches, and got to study and question my own theology. I wanted to know what was TRUE, biblical, not just be a part of the “in” group.

But it happened again. I became friends with a Christian co-worker of mine. He introduced me to a girl in his church and we became fast friends. It was a very VERY small church. But they seemed like such nice people, a very tight-knit community. They all worked together, lived together, had Bible studies, and “traditions” that everyone in their church communally participated in. It was SOO fun to be with them, and I felt so “in” a group.  The pastor and my coworker had prayed about me and the girl being friends. They wanted me to enter their community. The pastor’s mother had me over to her house to give me a special message she had for me. The pastor and his wife had me over to “slay” me in the Spirit. I understood it to be just a matter of Pentecostal theology and nothing more. I knew what I believed and just believed them to be different theologically, but genuine people. But when I didn’t accept their theology I was ostracized. The girl was forbidden to be friends with me and my coworker became distant. I was heart- broken. I was “out.”

I’ve been careful since then to not enter into groups that are “in” merely by excluding others as “out.” But I do still have that deeply rooted desire for community.

The other day, I went to a quaint village restaurant far outside of the city, owned by a communal people who pattern their lifestyle after the “early church” but don’t consider themselves Christians. I had a chance to talk with one of the members of the commune about some of their beliefs. It was the most peaceful and welcoming atmosphere. It felt homey and beautiful, with aesthetic plants and water and all home-grown food. All hand-made furniture adored the rooms and instrumental music lulled the customers into the peaceful environment. I almost felt like I was in an enchanted home of elves in a forest!! You have to check this place out! The people were airy and cheery and happy. I noticed that all of their guests could not HELP but SMILE when they talked with people of the commune. Their simplicity and smiles were just so contagious. I had come there for alone time and reading, and was able to do that and relax for quite a while, but also had some good conversations with guests and commune members. Guests that sat at the “tea bar” deeply wanted to be a part of the community. Workers attracted them with pleasant words and descriptions of their traditions. I was a bit enchanted myself.

However, I noticed on the wall, a flier advertising a discussion about the “deception of having only two final destinies in life.” It was obvious that they were not a biblical community. And yet they were so attractive to everyone, myself included. People longed to be a part of this community.

All of this has me thinking. Thinking about gangs, cults, communes, churches, family, government, countries and cities. I think all people desire so much to be a part of community. To say this is what is “in” the community and this is what is “outside” of it.

Of course from a biblical perspective, I believe that God created the family and the church as His institutions for community (and perhaps even the government? I’m not so good at these concepts!!). But I just think that it is so interesting how much we desire community, to belong. And it reminds me of how we belong in Christ, how we’re a part of His family.

Right now, I’m a part of a small “community” in my church (not cults or gangs!!) and love it! It is satisfying to so many levels of my soul. I do life with these people. But it is based on something SUBSTANTIAL! We agree to a shared creed, like others may, but it is TRUTH! To the Bible as our “rule book.” To allegiance to a Person, but He is GOD! To a mission and lifestyle, but its victory purpose is SURE! We love each other and rejoice together in Him as part of our “mission” as a community to bring our God glory and bask in His love forever. So this is community. This is what my soul longs for. Not community simply for its own sake, but only when totally enraptured and abiding in the SOURCE of Love, our Savior and Friend Jesus Christ. Now, this is community. We are one with Him, and He is one with the Father. He abides in us, and we in Him. And there is fellowship with Him and with each other. This is community.