“Emily, did you lie to me?” Her eyes didn’t shift, but mine did, for a minute, and then back-- “Yes,” I admitted with a voice of defeat. I had. And I was caught. I told a manger in this Christian ministry a flat out lie. I was in charge of the girl’s sleeping quarters and taking care of them in various ways. One of the girls couldn’t afford an extra night and asked me to cover for her by saying that she hadn’t spent the night, so she wouldn’t have to pay. I did—to my manager. I abused my power and trust to re-create reality.
Oh what would I do to get someone’s approval!
I think of Pontius Pilate, who asks “what is truth?” (John 18:38), and later shows his confusion of truth by finally deciding to crucify Jesus “to satisfy the crowds” (Mark 15:15), although he didn’t find anything wrong with what Jesus had done . . . I wonder how far my heart could go in compromising truth?
Manipulation is a fine art. It’s kind of a beautiful art. In fact, it seems very god-like. Not godly, but like a god. The manipulator has beautiful, expert finesse in controlling situations and people in such a cunning way that it looks like these things just happened on their own! And the beautiful part—the manipulator’s will is done and desires are met. Well done! Bravo! I congratulate you, Manipulator! It was a great show.
But go ahead and take a bow and leave the stage. The show is over.
I’ve certainly been manipulated, and it hurt. I felt used. But I do it too! To my shame and embarrassment, I loved lying as a kid. I knew the truth in my mind, but I manipulated it to get my way. I can point to specific times, even as a teen-ager and adult, that I told a bold-faced lie! I hate that. I regret it, I’ve repented, I’ve been forgiven. But wow, I know the power of lying.
I’ve discovered that the messenger of both truth and lying is one and the same—words. Language. I’m a language girl. I love English and love other languages. I like seeing it used tastefully, creatively. I love seeing it bring hope and life and inspiration back into people’s eyes . . . and dislike seeing it used for the opposite. Certainly, the tongue has power!
But even more than bringing hope or encouragement, words are a messenger of reality—what is, what isn’t.
And I have the power of creating that reality in my mind, and in the minds of others through my words. Granted there are many ways to see things, the world has grays, and there is not always a right or wrong for every situation, but I do believe in truth. And that truth comes from God.
As I’ve more recently tried to seek God, I find myself often asking this question: Am I aligning myself with God’s reality (what is), or am I creating, and trying to convince others, of my own fantasy- view of reality (what would be if I were God)?
For sure there is a difference between fantasy and creation!
I create with my words every day. I write stories and poetry, I play piano and guitar, I have visions and goals, I throw parties and organize events, I shop and design my wardrobe, I make friendships, I plan my days, I lesson plan and teach classes, I cook known recipes and make my own—I love to create!! And I had a role in those creations becoming reality—what is.
But I hope my creating heart never tries to re-create what already is by exchanging fantasy for truth. I hope my words desire to be true and wish that they would never manipulate.
I think that aligning with God’s truth is so important as I pursue purity of heart. I want to know my heart, but as I get close, I see there is a great division in it. One part of my heart longs for goodness and truth and to adore my God. But another part still lives in darkness and still loves badness and strongly wants to adore me. That part is hard to see, and I don’t like it. It is a part of my heart I want to close off and keep in hiding.
But I just read in 1 John this morning that “if we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us” (1:10). My hiding bad parts need to come to the light, so that His Word, truth, reality, can be in me!
And I saw in the same chapter that “if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another” (1:7) . . . walking in the light also affects how close I get to others!
As undesirable as they are to see, I think those hiding bad parts of me keep me away from God, from others, and from reality.
So bring them to the light God—let my heart be known.
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