Dating: From a Guy's and Girl's Perspective (Part 1)

One year while I was in Thailand, all of us teachers were playing soccer and I was designated “goal keeper.” The ball made its way down the field toward me, and someone kicked it hard right at me. Suddenly, everything went into slow-motion. I ducked. Then this guy, that I had never met, jumped up over me, kicked the ball away from my head and away from the goal, and then with some other super-hero moves slid down by my side to see if I was okay. I just smiled. He raced off to go help our team get a goal down on the other side of the field. Wow! It wasn’t quite a “like”—more like an “impressed.” But it certainly opened the door for “like.” And though he wasn’t a Christian, and I had waited my whole life for a good Christian guy, I decided to go on a date with him . . . my mind got foggy and my heart compromised. I’m glad that nothing happened and I headed back to the States within a couple of weeks. But I always wondered . . . how did I get to that place in my life? What do I look for when choosing to date? Is dating trial and error? Is there some game-plan and intention that goes into it?

I still don’t know these answers, but as I am in this season in my life, I (and many around me!) are certainly asking the questions!

A single, Christian guy friend of mine, we’ll call Robert Chism, agreed to co-blog with me on this topic, and his thoughts, from a guy’s perspective, are dispersed throughout! Thanks RC!!

Why Get into a Relationship?

What Guys Want

Robert Chism: Men look for a relationship because we have an innate, God-given desire to procreate. A lot of things in life revolve around the concept that men need to pursue women until consummation. If we didn’t have this, we would probably be too lazy to ever pursue a woman. This should not merely be construed as "men want sex," but of course we do, in abundance. Men want to be accepted. That is what is really at the heart of this desire. Since sex is the most intimate form of acceptance a man can get from a woman, we want it, very badly. Aside from physical consummation the other important way to fulfill the acceptance need of men is through affirmation. Let us know we are accepted by you and that we are doing a good job. You will have plenty of chances to tell us what we are doing wrong, so don’t forget to tell us what we are doing right!

(LOVE it!)

What do Girls Want?

In his last days, psychologist Sigmund Freud was asked if any one question of human behavior still puzzled him. His only answer was quick: “What IS it that women really want?” I hear this question asked often in both secular and Christian circles. Author Emerson Eggerichs touched on this in his book Love and Respect—women want sincere love.

Although an evil Jezebel is easy to come by, I don’t think all girls are intentionally confusing, but rather can easily spot insincerity or masquerading agendas. And although over-suspicion can be harmful to a relationship, part of me thinks that a healthy amount of caution is good! It certainly helps prevent against our unfortunate and increasing epidemic of children with a less-than-involved father. And, oh, how much we need our fathers. Really, really, need them!

To be honest, within the top three or four things that I look for in a man is how well he may be a father to our children if we were to have them. And no, he most likely doesn’t have this experience on his repertoire, but I believe that character can help clue me in! Honesty, faithfulness, responsibility, consistency, self-control, and a loving and forgiving heart are great traits to look for in a life-long friend, husband, and father of my children!

Robert Chism: Hollywood’s (the world’s) view on love, and God’s are both very different. In fact, they are quite the opposite of one another. The world says you should feel like you love someone and expect them to fulfill every want and desire you have. If you enter a relationship with these types of expectations you are doomed for failure. What the world calls love the Bible calls Lust. Make sure your desires and feelings are rooted in Biblical truth and reflect God's definition of love (1 Cor. 13:4-7). Not only will this make you be a better friend, but it will help you practice how you should be feeling towards your future spouse. 

I also look for someone I can trust as a spiritual leader. Though submission is sometimes a negative word in our culture, the idea of relaxing and resting in the leadership of a husband I love and trust actually comforts me! It sounds nice to let go and trust that he will lead our family in God’s ways! I certainly desire to be strong in my role as partners in ministry, friends, and lovers, but I also greatly DESIRE to be led with courage and gentleness.

Eggerichs affirms that it’s so cool that God wanted us to know this when He spoke through Paul: men love your wives, women respect your husbands. Ah, it’s what we so need, so desire. A man getting his full of respect, a woman her full of love, each freely acting in their own gender with radiance and intention as God created sexuality. How we were created to function as beautiful lovers before a world who cannot understand intimacy, yet so desperately wants to!

Fear

I have it. What if I get into a relationship merely out of lust? What if I am deceived by a flatterer? What if I am not enough? What if I give my heart and he leaves, or hurts it? Getting into a relationship is certainly frightening! But for me, these cautions are good! And my personal answer to them is COURAGE, INPUT, and TIME. Courage in believing that I have something to offer and something to receive, and hope that marriage is a good thing, created by God for our blessing. Courage is stepping out without too many expectations. My mentor often tells me that one date doesn’t guarantee a second, and dating doesn’t mean marriage. Navigating a relationship is a process, and is taken in steps.

Robert Chism: A man’s biggest fear when entering into a relationship is whether or not they will be accepted. Fear of rejection. We are the pursuers (or supposed to be) and our biggest fear is that the person we choose to pursue does not wish to be pursued by us. The only way to move past this is to express a degree of interest in a romantic pursuit and assess the girl’s reaction, something some of us are terrible at doing. My biggest fear is that I will fall short. I will make mistakes and God forbid hurt the woman I love the most.

 Input from friends, counselors, advisors, and MANY people who know both of us, is one of the greatest tools against self-deception but also helps with accountability and wisdom. And TIME. Time tells many things. Time often lets charm or superficiality run its course, and reveals character and relational abilities, the things that will last a LOT longer than charm will!

Robert Chism: Guarding one's heart should always be put into practice. This looks like managing your emotions, desires and feelings towards a person.  Oftentimes, when one doesn’t guard their heart they let their emotions get the best of them, paving the way for lust and self seeking desires to take over. This is where people get hurt, when their selfish expectation is not fulfilled by another. You can courageously do dating when you know the other person has only your best interests in mind, otherwise you should be weary.

The Process

In the dating process, it gets foggy in how to guard my heart . . . and purity. As recently re-entering the dating world, one thing I want to be committed to is being intentional about, rather than “falling into,” physical intimacy. Although Hollywood may contradict this, I think that commitment and intention and purposeful communication, rather than a created atmospheric mood (though those are nice!), can really help “flame” a couple’s love and romance!

Robert Chism: The thing is that if you follow God’s plan, you get something even better than the Hollywood romance. If you approach the relationship with an earnest desire to serve and love that person with all of yourself and they do likewise, I guarantee you God will give you a glimpse of what heaven is like. Love your woman as Christ loved the church, second only to your love for Jesus Christ. Find a woman who is going to love you like she loves Jesus Christ and only second to Him. There is nothing more romantic than that!

I certainly have heard a lot of “romantic” words, but if I don’t know a guy is pursuing me with intentionality and mindedness toward a life-long commitment to marriage, it’s hard for me to trust, or to arouse feelings.

Robert Chism:  Dating can be as casual and as serious as you want it to be. For me at this stage of the game dating is deathly serious . . . I wish only to date my wife. There was a time when I would have dated someone just to have fun. If you want a husband or wife, date only those who you see fit to marry. The goals and intentions of dating should be clearly defined first, not after.

And of course this takes time! How hard it is for guys too! Another guy friend of mine told me recently that guys can easily or quickly “like” a girl, but then want to get to know her to make sure. I think girls tend to be a little slower in learning to like someone (and I tend to be on the even slower spectrum among girls!) . . . but both genders take time. Time, with intentional and clear communication and gradual revealing of self, certainly seems to be a key element in the dating process!

So, shall I date? Yes! With wisdom and time and patience, and with cautioned vulnerability, and with some light- heartedness and courage too! And lots of input from friends and mentors. And prayer. And intentionality!

And rest and trust, and hope too—that a spouse IS from the Lord!

Grace Like Rain . . . Just Let it Come

If I have a daughter I would love to name her “Grace.” This word brings a beautiful and refreshing picture to my soul! One of an unexpected, beautiful gift of something absolutely delightful. And this gift being undeserved and taken by surprise! It is a place devoid of judgment and guilt. It is a place of rest. Grace is my favorite word!

My second favorite word is “water.” It’s the strangest thing, but that word sets my soul to rest. Just the idea of water makes me feel at peace. I could stand on a peer over the ocean and be content for hours without talking, just watching the waves roll under me. Or, I could sit for an afternoon by a lake and just look at the slight swells caused by wind brushing along the top of the water, the edges rolling in along the sand or dirt, slightly in, slightly back. When I used to run cross country, a rainy day was the day that I tied up my shoes and ran out the door, just to feel the coolness run down my face. Showers, rain, swimming relaxes me . . . even chores having to do with water: washing dishes or laundry by hand, washing my car or the bath tub! Drinking it. Hehe!!  I just like water. It refreshes me. It makes me feel clean.

Grace Like Rain

A musician and worship-leader that I really appreciate, Todd Agnew, wrote a song entitled “Grace Like Rain.” In it, Agnew uses John Newton’s lyrics from Amazing Grace to inspire listeners to hear the words of the old hymn with new ears. But when he sings “grace like rain falls down on me,” I feel cool water fall on my face and run down, as it cleans me of all the things I wish I were not.

Grace

There is nothing that paralyzes me more than guilt. Nothing more that I wish I could be free from than judgment for the imperfections and ugliness I stain the world with every day . . . and then comes mercy, then comes forgiveness. And I am free!

But then Grace comes even above and beyond. Wait, it says, more . . . there is more to come.

And gifts of sunshine, and kind people with a smile, and tomatoes and strawberries from the garden, and a pink flower randomly growing next to my favorite tree in the park, and shade, and acceptance and encouragement when I am not perfect, come and surprise me and remind me that grace is real . . . there is something beautiful and free and given and sweet.

Harsh, cold condemnation, defensiveness, and self-deprivation scream their words of “right” and “should” . . . and I do obey BECAUSE I love Jesus, but not to prove MY righteousness.  Because the truth is that I have no righteousness on my own, and that’s OKAY! There is forgiveness. And beyond that, there is grace.

And I let every part of me be touched by that grace that rains down on me . . . and its living water transforms me! It softens me, cleans me, refreshes me, cools me.

“Those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ” – Romans 5:17b.

Mistakes

Mistakes. I make them. Part of life is trial and error. It is not purposeful, but sometimes it is. Just trying and seeing and realizing what is and what isn’t. I teeter in my balance from stepping out from the paralysis of fear, to waiting in patience, while maintaining hope, though all goes against my hope. It hurts. It’s not safe.

I don’t want to go through the motions or let passivity take my hand. I want the courage to step into reality and to try. I don’t want to wait in paralysis. But I don’t want to step out in presumption. I will wait. I will step out. I will hold back. I will give in.

And many voices call out to me. But I will choose to listen to and believe the voice of truth.

And in my pain, I will get comfortable. Because to break will hurt, but to break is the only way to take me away from myself and to become what I am meant to become.

And in my fall from perfection, I question, do I believe? Do I hate him? The one who heals me? The one who’s grace I fall from? Will he take me back?

But the love is extravagant. The friendship is intimate. He will. I am taken into the secret place. And there I will sit among the sweet fragrance of the grace around me.

And my heart is captured again.

Never safe.

But enveloped in loving hands.

Faithful and true. Unchanging. Good.

So, adieu fear and regret and paralysis and discouragement and hypocrisy and trouble of all kinds . . . you are no longer my friend.

But, rather, I welcome truth and courage and patience and sacrifice and trust and love and power and redemption and rest and grace. Oh, grace.

And turn me around. Bring me back.

And strength does rise as I wait upon Him.

And I trade it all for joy. Sweet, sweet joy.

Who I Am

One person who constantly reminds me that God wants what is good for me is my mom. She has such a skill for seeing what is beautiful in a dire situation. She did this very thing a year ago when I asked a girl friend of mine to go to the ballet “Cinderella” with me.

I love ballet and performances, and my friend and I had paid our $50 tickets and were so excited as we dressed up and came to the fancy event. Unfortunately, I had gotten the cheaper tickets and as we were directed by hostesses, we found ourselves sitting to the very left end on the fifth level of the building. I could barely see and was disappointed. I almost even started to cry. At that moment, I turned to my friend and asked her if she wanted to upgrade our tickets, not caring of the price any more. She felt my disappointment and gladly agreed. As I explained our situation at the ticket counter, while trying to hold back my emotions, the sales lady told me she would see what was available. She smiled at me with eyes of compassion (granted, this is just a ballet!!), and asked if I had $5 more . . . $2.50 each. Of course! I was willing to pay much more. But even a little closer was better. She smiled and wished me a great show as I walked away. We looked at the tickets and were ecstatic to see that we were on the FIRST level! There was no way that our price had covered those seats (the lady had hooked us up!!!!), and a sense of absolute joy made my steps light!

We walked to the first level, and what happened after that almost reminded me of a fairy tale. Seat hostesses would look at our tickets and then gesture their hand toward the stage as if to say: “continue to move forward.” We would smile at each other and then continue. Again and again. We moved up a row and then another. Finally, at the fifth row, the hostess directed us through the seats and right into the middle of the row. Beautiful and social men and women around us looked so professional and, well, wealthy . . . and welcomed us with pleasant smiles, as if we were a part of their club.

We were dressed nice, but did they know who I was?? Emily from El Cajon with the Hyundai Accent with a noise in the trunk? Emily with divorced parents and working for my own degree? Emily, from the fifth floor . . . the far left side of the fifth floor?

No. They didn’t! We again looked at each other with smiles that couldn’t hide our sheer excitement! The room darkened, the orchestra poised ready, and the show began! I could see every facial expression on all the dancers. I could see the violinist’s bow move across her strings. I was enveloped right in the middle of the music, and action and story, and surrounded by others with a taste for music and performance. I was lifted into another world, and could not have planned it that way if I had imagined it!

Telling the whole story to my mom the next day, my mom made an analogy to the way God loves us. No, no more dwelling on the top floor away from what you think you deserve. God calls to us and says: You, Daughter, will come down. And you will move forward. And you will be close. And this IS where you belong. I have not named you “Emily of the Fifth Floor” but I have named you “Emily of the Come Close!!”  . . . J J

And so, whether pointed to it by an actual ballet here on earth or not, I know that I am of a Royal family. And perhaps never again to be felt here on earth, and not because I deserved it of my own, but it IS MINE! I belong to it, and it is mine. My identity is NOT with the things I believe I am captive to, even the sins and family of my past, but with what God has named my identity to be! Child of the King! Beloved of the Great Lover!

Karma

Soon after I first got my driver’s license I was already hurriedly driving somewhere, late. I was too impatient to slow down at the yellow light and stepped on the accelerator instead of the brake. I ran a red light. I didn’t get caught by a camera or a cop, and continued to go. Within minutes, I was pulled over, with three other cars at the same time, by a cop, for a reason, to this day I believe was not fair (we were all going straight in a lane that wasn’t marked for going straight). But I thought, “hey, I deserved to get a ticket for running the red light,” and didn’t fight it.

Perhaps I didn’t really believe in natural Karma, but in a God-type of Karma. God paid back.

I recently got my purse stolen out of my car while it was parked at a beach near my house. It was a humiliating and violating feeling, and I couldn’t help but tell the story to everyone I met for weeks to follow! Everyone had an opinion. But a word that I kept hearing was “Karma.” Those I talked with at Ocean Beach, when I first discovered it was taken, pronounced cursings of bad Karma on the perpetrator. And more Karma after that. At the Farmer’s Market where I didn’t have the cash to buy the feather earrings I wanted from this New Age granola girl. At the Sprint store where I lamented my sad story to the Islamic sales clerk while getting my new phone. At Macy’s, where I explained to business professionals how I lost their credit card. At a country dancing bar where I explained to the “bouncers” why I brought my passport as an ID. To my western European students as we talked about a low experience of the week. Yes, everyone in San Diego knew my story, and everyone said the person who took my purse would get “paid back.”

Their sympathy helped relieve my sense of violation, but I wasn’t so sure their judgment was true. Partly, because I knew it was my fault, at least partly. But partly, because I wonder: does God always, necessarily, “pay back”?

I was talking with a friend last night about the Titanic. I’ve been newly curious about a ship’s anatomy and an engineer-minded friend of mine was explaining how the Titanic was built. He ended his explanation with: and they said it was the ship that God Himself couldn’t sink . . . and then He did. Woa! What a concept!

It made me think of the Tower of Babel. “We will build ourselves a tower to reach God.” But God confused their language, and the building stopped.

Another friend recently told me of a house he had designed and built, and how it, with others in the market at the same time, became more expensive than it was worth. He sold it. He was sad, but he said that he didn’t believe that his attitude was right when he was buying the house, so He wondered if God orchestrated him losing the house.

I find myself often asking that same question. But to another extreme. If I sin in one area, would I get “punished” by God in some other way? . . . I deserve it. I believe in justice.

Natural Consequences

For sure, we reap what we sow. If I work, I will make money. If I read, I will increase my knowledge. If I am friendly, I will make friends.  And on the contrary, if I sleep around, there is a one-in-four (and increasing!) chance that I will contract a disease. If I don’t sleep or eat or exercise, my body will become sick and weak. If I talk badly about someone, the people who hear me will likely not trust me with their own secrets.

There are natural consequences for things!!!

But does God pay back?

If I talk badly about someone, is someone completely unrelated to the situation going to gossip about me? If I sleep around, will I get a cancer completely unrelated to an STD? If I refuse to work, and rather steal money from my mother, will I get in a car accident?

Pay back . . . or Discipline

So in addition to natural consequences, God disciplines those He loves. He stops us from destroying ourselves and getting into the sin He know will hurt us so much.

There was a time I was in the middle of making a rash and bad decision. I was getting my purse to run out the door and drive off. I ran into the kitchen and ran right into a cupboard door I had left open in my frenzy. The pain stunned me and practically knocked me to the floor. As I sunk to the floor, I began breathing slowly and crying, and then thanking God for stopping me from making my bad decision.

I’ve faced many such moments where I believe God’s discipline has lovingly gotten me back on track . . . the track He knows I will be most happy in . . . the track with Him.

I do know that God is the executioner of justice . . . and there will be justice displayed to show that character of Himself. And those who flaunt in God's face, without turning to Jesus before they die WILL be paid back. But He is also a great Forgiver and Lover.

Although He allows natural consequences for our good and discipline, I am sure that He WANTS what is soooo good for those who are His.

Soooooooo . . . . will the thief of my purse face a kind of Karma? I don’t know!!!  J And I don't know that I hope it for him . . . although I hope for him to get a conscience! And THAT through Jesus!!!

Illusion

I watched Transformers 3 last night. It was not the best movie I’ve ever seen, but the scenes that portrayed  a battle to be fought, beauty to be obtained and protected, and sacrifice made so that good conquers over evil made me sit up just a little straighter, my mind and body become a little tense, my heart jump.

Yes, my heart jumped. And I knew that this excitement evoked in me was not merely from a battle flickering across a screen in a movie theater. It must have been from something much more. And not just from this movie. From every excitement, every pain, every story, every person I meet, a feeling stirs in me that this all REMINDS me of something. No, I’ve never lived another life. But I think there is a greater story imprinted, very lightly, at the very center of my mind and heart, waiting to meet the “key” that will open my soul up to what I was made to live for.

Bad Illusion

In my ponderings, I concluded that there is constant illusion occurring. First, bad illusion. Simply, there is reality and there is what is not reality—illusion. And my mind is the only gateway to living in either reality or illusion. The basic law behind this illusion is one: earth is my final destination. Thus, I cry at loss of beauty and good, I cry at aging and death and destruction, and I cry whenever I discover a glimmer that perhaps this earth is broken, and ugly, and weak, and divided, and unjust, and miserable. But this is not a fun feeling. So, I look at the illusion of “true love,” unwavering sacrifice, and unstoppable strength and power, flicker across movie screens. THIS is a much nicer feeling. Earth like this makes me happy. Reconciliation, closeness, happy endings where all receive their just reward, and time stops, so that nothing will ever change. THIS satisfies me. For a moment . . . but then it doesn’t . . . and I wonder how so many are satisfied with this illusion . . .  Is it possible that that is why we live in a movie theater, or a book, or magazine, or with friends that keep that illusion alive? Dare I associate with the ugly and broken and weak, and be reminded that this is reality. Let my bubble of illusion pop?

Good Illusion

So, earth is ugly and broken and aging and dying. Such SAD reality. It is. But as much of bad news as that is, I am excited that there is very VERY good news! As much as one may live at a screen or novel to escape from a reality that is too hard to bear, there is another option! Yes, there is an even DEEPER illusion . . . so to speak. The illusion of reality here on earth . . . so to speak.

It is true that this earth, in all its brokenness, is reality, but it is only partially true. ACTUALLY, the “real broken earth” and the “fake greatness across the screen” is now REVERSED. What I had deeply hoped for (but at a very deep level disbelieved to ever be true) IS TRUE! The broken earth is now the illusion, and the love, and hope, and sacrifice, and beauty and strength and power and battle of good conquering over evil, flickering across the screen is THE REALITY!!!

Well, not here. Not exactly in the way I can see. And that is the disappointment. But don’t let it disappoint me. It does not mean that it is not there, and that I will not one day be able to see it!!!!

I will!!! The deeper illusion from the Great Deceiver is that this earth will always be this way, that forever will always be this way, and that my only option is to numb my pain of this reality with non-action as I sit and entertain myself with “illusions”.

But NO! I will not be numbed!!! I know the truth. I know the deeper illusion. This earth is not the end. This earth will be TRANSFORMED, and it will not be broken and aging and dying! THIS is reality! And can I live it every day? In hope, that I, too, will be transformed. Though perhaps 60 or 70 years away, it will come! I will be touched by a “fountain of youth” and not grow old. I will be transformed, as in the fairy tales, into the beautiful princess (so to speak!), and given a position of reigning over parts of the earth. I will live in a perfect world that has been created and maintained because a GREAT BATTLE has been won and good has conquered over evil. And, even more, I will live with my True Love! The One my heart jumps for. THIS IS REALITY!!! But it is the not-yet. It is my hope and my faith that hold me on . . .

And in the meantime, in these next 60 years, what will I do? What will I do for the kingdom, that I deeply believe is coming? Which illusion do I hold on to? Will I stop wasting time creating an illusion to numb me from the pain? Or will I live in the (somewhat painful) reality that FULL REALITY is not yet here? And in obedience to my Savior hold on to the hope that my Prince is coming?

I cannot even imagine what it will look like, be like, and dare not say words to blaspheme it, but I will believe. I will hold on. He is coming for me. And it will be glorious.

Words: In my Mind, from my Mouth

One of the most healing, and freeing, statements of truth that I ever received in counseling was that my thoughts were my own. No person could control my thoughts, and no one could read them. This seems to parallel well the proverb that says that no one knows a heart’s sorrow or joy to the extent and precision than the person who feels it does.

When I was a child, a significant person who tried to be a god in my life told me that they knew my thoughts even better than I did myself and told me to think every thought through the filter of what this person would desire me to think. Certainly, as a child, you believe what adults say. And it stuck. If he could read my thoughts, so could someone else. I felt that nothing in me was my own. It was an intimidating thought for much of my childhood and teen years, but learning that it was not true freed me immensely. I was free to think my own thoughts! And I was in control of when and how I expressed them.

This concept has blown me away since then. And sobered me as well. For, with all freedom comes responsibility.

I was free. I was in control. But I was also responsible. Responsible to take every thought captive—in my relationship to God. To take every word captive—in my relationship with people.

Language fascinates me. In a linguistic class in grad school, I learned about how the brain can only develop when it has a language to process. Someone who grows up without a language (for whatever reason) will not have a fully developed brain-- will be, to some degree, mentally retarded. And yet, how many times, days, minutes, conversations, do I forget that my brain has so many words, concepts, ideas (through language) to choose from, and that I have control over this!

The calling to take every thought captive reminds me that I have the power (through the Holy Spirit) to do so! And as I think in my heart, so I speak!!

So, rather than lies and deception, despair, trouble-making and divisive words, do I speak (to myself and out loud) truth, love, with hope, and with words that give life and encouragement?

As I’ve learned that no one can read or control my thoughts, I’ve also discovered the more disappointing truth that I cannot read or control others’ thoughts. But this truth is freeing as well!

COMMUNICATION is soooooo important to me. I LOVE being free to say that I don’t know what someone is thinking unless they SAY it. I have found that guys tend to be a little more appreciative of this quality than girls (who tend to be a bit more intuitive to feelings and non-verbal communication and good at guessing thoughts). Nonetheless, I am determined to place a high value on WORDS, and assume that I don’t know what I haven’t been directly told. No assuming, projecting, or painting a picture with a slant.

Clarity, honesty, and sincerity, all show someone’s value of words. God Himself speaks with words of truth, love, and life. His Word spoke creation into being. Jesus Himself is the spoken Word of God!! And though I cannot be like my God in speaking things into existence, I can speak words of truth, and of the hope of a new heaven and earth, of my sanctification and of the working of all things together for good. Of the love available for all who come to Him. Of praise of the Savior who came to set all men free from death’s tight fingers and the lies that keep them captive.

Praise God!!! Praise Jesus!!!! For words, for His Word, for the Word Jesus Christ.

And let me, with great care, take care of these thoughts, these patterns, these influences I let in.

Let me remember: “Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man” (Matthew 15:11).

Let me choose thoughts carefully, and that are: true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, praiseworthy (Phil. 4:8).

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer” (Ps. 19: 14).

And let me not try to be something I’m not, or “change” my words to manipulate others’ opinion of me. RATHER, let me change from the inside out. Let my heart freely admit where it is at. And let me be real before You and others.

But renew my mind Lord. Transform me. Impress Your WORD in me, “for the Word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Heb. 4:12).

And let me be careful of my influences. “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God” (Rom. 12:2) . . . that my mind will be TRANSFORMED and that I will know Your will!

And let my mind and words be filled with Your praise!

Praise Jesus! All glory to Jesus! My Great and Beautiful Savior.