I remember as a young girl when my mom first told me she was
pregnant with my brother. She was so excited and I caught her excitement. I was
old enough to understand, and something leaped inside me! We didn’t know if it
was a boy or girl, but I knew I loved this baby. And as with my other siblings,
from the moment he was born, until this day, I have loved him so much!
Before we even knew him, we loved him. Not because he did
anything, or looked a certain way . . . but because he was part of the family.
Family.
My favorite memory may be surprising, but brings a huge
smile to my face every time I think back to it—cleaning up after dinner. For
some reason, we all loved to do it together, and it often broke out into silly
songs, and then dancing, and craziness. Yes, we could harmonize a country song,
or Veggie Tales!, or we would teach my mom a dance and laugh at her try it. One
brother would beat box, and a sister start chanting her newest rhyme from
cheerleading. We would all chime in with a line, or beat, or talk with
different accents or voices! And sometimes it would lead to the pianos (yes we
had two!) and guitars for a Beatles or One Republic song. It was crazily ridiculous, and we were probably
the only ones who thought it was funny or enormously fun. But we all loved it.
It brought us together.
We certainly don’t have a perfect family. My parents recently
divorced after 27 years of marriage, and at the two weddings I attended in the
summer of their divorce, I sat silently thinking something I had never thought before:
“These vows may be permanent. This
relationship may last.” The divorce and what led up to it,
unintentionally sent my siblings and I in varying directions. Our concept of
“family” was shaken. We didn’t have the sit-down meals we had enjoyed together
every day up until then. Holidays, birthdays, graduations, weddings, all became
awkward (at the least). And worst of all, we didn’t talk about it too much. It
was a touchy subject for various reasons. And, to be honest, it was a huge loss
. . . and needed to be grieved.
But praise God, He has led each of us to a place of
processing and healing. Individually, and more recently, together. I’m not only
thankful for what He’s brought us through, but also very hopeful of how He’s
bringing us back together. Just as nothing hurt my heart so much as the
brokenness of my family, nothing brings me such joy as seeing the restoration
and love of being reconnected. God is good.
Through all of this, I’ve gone to God often to know His
intention with family. I have friends that come from both connected families
and from more broken ones. And unfortunately, it seems that the dysfunctional
and broken ones are more common. But with my friends that come from solid and
connected families, I look on with longing and a smile. What an amazing and
beautiful picture of what God intended for relationship and connection!
I don’t know why it surprises me so much that God is such a
God of relationship, but He is! The more I get to know Him, the more I feel His
heart and excitement and intention for relationship. It thrills Him, and that
thrills me.
But I’ve gotten to know that His heart reaches even beyond
the immediate family. He longs for His
church to experience a type of family-like relationship. And I’ve certainly experienced
that with believing friends within the church!
One attribute unique to a family, is that no matter what one
member does, they are still our family. There is a belonging that can’t be
reversed, even if we stop talking with each other! We’re still family.
We are the ones that are often there for their highest highs
and for their lowest lows. We cheer them on and stand beside them at their
accomplishments. We bail them out of jail, and hug them through rehab. We all
crowd together in one row, even if I’m sitting between my parents, to stand up
and cheer the loudest for my brother’s high school graduation or my sister’s
singing performance.
We are family.
I know God created them to function differently, but I think
the family does give a picture for the church in some ways.
With those in my local church, I commit to relationship with
them, and everything that comes with that. We experience so much fun and love!
But I also enter community understanding that we’re going to disagree and get
in conflicts. But through all of this, we become closer. We will set
boundaries, and we will confront, but the goal will always be restoration,
relationship. When one person goes off the “deep end,” we understand we’re all
in this together, and love them back to us. When we can’t agree, we pray, we go
to leadership. But we’re committed. We belong to each other.
We ask the deep questions, and the “What’s your favorite animal?” questions! We know, accept, and protect each other. We are proud of
each other. We love, sometimes poorly, often deeply.
We don’t do it perfectly. We sin, hurt, and get hurt. But
Christ holds us together through love, and we come back together,
because...
... we are family.
I’m a huge cheerleader of “boundaries,” but I’ve
sometimes misunderstood or wrongly applied them. Sometimes I will simply cut
off a relationship in which I feel run-over or hurt. But John Townsend’s
“Beyond Boundaries” seeks to clarify that boundaries are meant to bring us into
healthier relationships, not into isolation. This quote really resonates with me:
If the person you love most looked
at you and said, ‘I don’t want you anymore,’ and you thought, Oh well, that’s a choice you have a right to
make, with no emotional response, that is a problem… Problems with love and
relationships should feel bad—and that is good. But wounds should not stay
wounds. They need to heal. A relational wound needs to be resolved so that you
get back to normal life—that is, being in healthy connections… If it is
relationship that wounded you, it is relationship that is required to heal you.
(John Townsend)
I love this because it reminds me that even in the midst of
hurt or brokenness, relationship in love and inter-dependence is God’s goal for
us. And it is an amazing gift!!
I am so thankful for the joy of both my immediate family and
my church family!!!
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